Top 5 things to remember when at a Networking Event

When I started attending networking events I found the concept and process intimidating. Here I am in the presence of random strangers trying to pick a conversation about a topic that should sound intellectual as well as funny and hopefully do it all without offending anyone. Oh, and all of this in a matter of minutes. Very Stressful indeed!

Here are my 'Suggested Don'ts' when attending a networking event. Some of these are from personal experiences and other from just being told what not to do.

1. Don't be shy or intimidate: Its natural to a bit apprehensive, shy, intimidated for the first few times. There are some who get sick in the stomach when meeting new people. The main thing to remember is not to let it show. The whole point of networking is to MEET PEOPLE; don't let these feelings get in the way unless you walk into a room, filled with crazy women singing
'I Will Survive'. It’s time to run!!

2. Don't act aloof: There is absolutely no point to act aloof when attending a networking event. Either mingle or don't go; it’s as simple as that. However, don't go and sit all by yourself watching other people making friends. Just not happening!

3. Don't stick to one person: I think this one of the most common signs of people who have gotten over that initial fear and now making friends. It’s important to remember the concept behind networking. To meet as many people as possible. However sticking to one or two people will not help you make new contacts. At the same time other people won't be able come up, to introduce themselves, since they notice you are with the same people all the time.

4. Safest topic: Ahh this is my favorite topic, I once had a guy coming up to me, started off by saying "Hey How’s it going" in a soft melodious voice, with a kinda partial closed lip smile and wide eyed. Damn! I feel I was being hit on in a gay bar. Wow! Talk about uncomfortable.
Anyways what I’m trying to say here is pick safe methods of introducing yourself and safe topics to talk about. Some topics to avoid are past diseases, that’s right don't tell a person you have herpes, anal warts or had 1200 volts pass through your body because you were stupid enough to try to repair your computer hardware while it was connected to the mains. Don't talk about how many sister and brothers you are and how your grandma loves her grandchildren. NO NO!!

GUY’s a word of advice, if you are talking to a woman look only at her eyes. Don't try to steal glances of anywhere else simply because if she catches you, that’s the end of that. Another thing, if you see a women with a well endowed bottom don’t ogle cause there could other people watching you.

5. Exchange business cards always: Always Always Always, as a thumb rule, exchange business cards. If you want me to explain why then you’re not fit to even consider attending a networking event.

5 Donts on Chewing Gum

Probably some of the most annoying things people do; they do is while chewing gum. It is one of those things that actually requires some sort of formal education i.e.

Dave: "Hi Mike, are you chewing gum?"
Mike: "Well yes I am."
Dave: "Are you certified?"
Mike: "Yeah, I just graduated yesterday."
Dave: "Ah cool, welcome to being an educated, certified gum chewer."

Never have I felt so strongly to having a formal education course than now and that too for chewing gum. Since there aren't any of these education courses around I have decided to do something about educating gum chewers. Here are my 5 dont's on chewing gum.

1) Don't chew gum as a fashion statement: Chewing gum was cool back in the days like the late 70's and throughout the 80's. It was fashion. It was what guys with the Grease look would chew on while chatting up chicks. Not anymore amigo. If you think chewing gum is cool as a fashion find a time machine and get out of this decade. Chewing gum now is primarily done to either freshen your breath after a meal, smoke, drink or maybe sometime as a stress killer.

2) It’s better to buy gum pellets than gum strips: This has a simple reasoning behind it. Gum strips, after they have been chewed are fatter and larger than gum pellets. This increases the tendency to chew with your mouth open.

3) Don't chew with your mouth open: is what your mama would have told you a million times while growing up. Similar applies to chewing gum. No one wants to hear the sound of fish splashing around in your mouth.

4) Don't try blowing bubbles for your gum this will make you look spastic and in all cases is again not classy. It you think it’s cool, then you know what you should be lookin for.

5) Don’t dispose of your gum by spitting it on the ground or sticking it under a table. That will end up being inconvenient for someone else. The best way to dispose of gum is to either

1. spit it out into the gum wrapper
2. spit it into a tissue papper
3. if the above options are not available find a trash can, spit the gum in your palm and then throw your gum in the trash. Don't spit directly into the trash can. This is just not civilized.

So there you have it my 5 donts on chewing gum.

5 Queue Dont's

Well I was standing in a Queue at a local bank yesterday. After a number of annoying incidents while in Queue I decided to list 5 Basic Queue Etiquette.

1) Don't stand too close to the person in Front of you. To many of us this may be a given however there are people who don't have proximity issues. No buddy I don't want to feel your breath on my neck and yes I appreciate you trying to kill the boredom but stop singing that Celine Dion song.

2) Cough or Sneeze in a Napkin: Again not to sound all British but when you roll your fist to cover your mouth for when u cough / sneeze there is a chance that you fist would have an opening which is used to cover your mouth and exit. If you cough or sneeze with force thru your cylindrical shaped fist cover, there is good chance that you will spray the person in front of with your inner bodily fluids. Disgusting!

3) Letting one rip: Now when I was in the Queue some did let it rip. Now in a situation like this you can't really tell who it is, to openly make fun and embarrass them, but it just gets uncomfortable for everyone standing there. So don't do it.

4) Avoid kicking the person in front of you when moving forward. This is Fucking Annoying.

5) Don't get your kids to stand in Queue along with you. Kids get frustrated rather quickly. When that happens they start getting Whiny and Cranky. This tends to make standing in a Queue all the more frustrating for you and other people too. If it is your Kids then you have no reason to get frustrated cause that is the commitment you made when you decided to have kids.

These are some of main Etiquette I consider important for people to practice when queuing. Let me know if you have any more suggestions in the comments sections

5 Elevator Dont's

An elevator ride is not really something that you would give second thoughts too, unless when the door opened and you saw an annoying colleague, a neighbor that smells or a fling that didn't work. Below I have listed 5 Elevator dont's to avoid being avoided.

Again these are listed in no particular order.

1) Don't pick your nose: Now here is something I have noticed people do. Picking their nose in the elevator. Even worse is when the doors are shutting and they think that no ones going to make it and they start, And you Make it in time to see a person picking their nose with a face that looks like a 100 volts of electricity just passed thru it. Don't Do it. If you manage to get away with being the only person in the elevator and do pick your nose, Please Please don't rub the bugger off on the elevator panels. That’s just disgusting.

2) Don't Fart: Again similar to picking your nose don't do it when there are people in the elevator lest you want to get branded as the Stink Monster or Stinky. This doesn't mean that you could Fart when your alone in the elevator cause no one wants to enter an elevator that taste of rotten egg salad that you may have had the night before.

3) Don't Burp: For the same reasons mentioned above. However if you do, please don't follow it up with the line "Its better to burp and taste it, than to fart and waste it". That just won’t work.

4) Don't sneeze or cough without holding your mouth. Rather than this being just elevator etiquette its more general.

5) If you are going up or down a floor don't take the elevator. You would have wasted 1 Min of the other passengers. Maybe the man in the back of the elevator needs to take a piss and because of that 1 min he pisses himself. How about the pregnant lady who’s about to pop maybe her water would break in the elevator or how about you because of you being lazy to use the stairs you get a heart attack and die at 55 instead of 60.

Well these are my 5 Elevator dont's. If you have anything that you think could be added post your comments. Would be great to know what you think