Humans - Not really the superior beings

This is going to be my last post for the year and I wanted it to be something special. This topic came about because of the many reasons, 1 which stands out – Copenhagen. The most significant meeting of leaders, in the world, gathered to fight global warming but failed to reach any substantial decision.

We have been victims to the constant barrage of junk information claiming that human beings are the most superior beings and masters of the earth.

Well I would like to disagree and there are several reasons why we aren’t. Here are my 5!

We are parasites: "In general, parasites are much smaller than their hosts, show a high degree of specialization for their mode of life, and reproduce more quickly and in greater numbers than their hosts."

"Parasitism is a type of symbiotic relationship between organisms of different species where one organism, the parasite, benefits at the expense of the host." Wikipedia. Pretty self explanatory.

Our goal is a ‘piece of paper’: I think this is, by far, the irony that ‘breaks the camel back’. Capitalism is all about money. Human beings have gone to extent of endangering our own habitat to profit monetarily. If we were the smartest and most superior beings then this should be a no brainer ‘Ensure the survival of your kind’. However the most superior beings on the planet earth are slaves to an inanimate object. “The creator is a slave to the creation”. Weird?

Irrelevant measures of Success: From heart transplants to sex changes, going to moon or building the tallest towers that reach the sky. We use these unnecessary achievements as indicators of our success as a race. We, as a race, should be concentrating on how we live responsibly and interdependent with the world around us. Not go and fuck up the balance that exists. Now I know a lot of you would say what is wrong with heart transplants and other surgeries that save lives. Well it’s called survival of the fittest. Nature has a way of creating a balance so that everything is in sync. After our so called medical achievements there are more people on the planet and even more people that are dying of hunger, there are more species animals and insects that are going extinct every year and there is more disharmony in our societies.

What’s with going to the moon and wanting to find life on Mars? We have a perfect planet that we are destroying and looking for alternative planets to inhabit. Here’s a suggestion – lets protect our planet so we don’t need to move out of it. How about that?

The ‘ant colony’ syndrome: Everybody knows how an ant colony works. Now picture that you are hovering over the country you currently live in. Doesn’t that bare a striking resemblance to an ant colony? You have one leader – The head. And then you have the rest who work tirelessly building the colony. It could be directly – e.g. Real Estate or indirectly- e.g. Taxes. After all of this we still haven’t got ‘our colonies’ to function perfectly as an ant colony. We are the superior race!

The Brain: The human brain is considered to be the most complex organ till date and the most complex of all other creatures. You would think that with a superior brain we would be happier. The irony is that animals, with the lesser, non-developed, non-superior brain, are happy as long as they have food to eat.

Top 5 things to remember when at a Networking Event

When I started attending networking events I found the concept and process intimidating. Here I am in the presence of random strangers trying to pick a conversation about a topic that should sound intellectual as well as funny and hopefully do it all without offending anyone. Oh, and all of this in a matter of minutes. Very Stressful indeed!

Here are my 'Suggested Don'ts' when attending a networking event. Some of these are from personal experiences and other from just being told what not to do.

1. Don't be shy or intimidate: Its natural to a bit apprehensive, shy, intimidated for the first few times. There are some who get sick in the stomach when meeting new people. The main thing to remember is not to let it show. The whole point of networking is to MEET PEOPLE; don't let these feelings get in the way unless you walk into a room, filled with crazy women singing
'I Will Survive'. It’s time to run!!

2. Don't act aloof: There is absolutely no point to act aloof when attending a networking event. Either mingle or don't go; it’s as simple as that. However, don't go and sit all by yourself watching other people making friends. Just not happening!

3. Don't stick to one person: I think this one of the most common signs of people who have gotten over that initial fear and now making friends. It’s important to remember the concept behind networking. To meet as many people as possible. However sticking to one or two people will not help you make new contacts. At the same time other people won't be able come up, to introduce themselves, since they notice you are with the same people all the time.

4. Safest topic: Ahh this is my favorite topic, I once had a guy coming up to me, started off by saying "Hey How’s it going" in a soft melodious voice, with a kinda partial closed lip smile and wide eyed. Damn! I feel I was being hit on in a gay bar. Wow! Talk about uncomfortable.
Anyways what I’m trying to say here is pick safe methods of introducing yourself and safe topics to talk about. Some topics to avoid are past diseases, that’s right don't tell a person you have herpes, anal warts or had 1200 volts pass through your body because you were stupid enough to try to repair your computer hardware while it was connected to the mains. Don't talk about how many sister and brothers you are and how your grandma loves her grandchildren. NO NO!!

GUY’s a word of advice, if you are talking to a woman look only at her eyes. Don't try to steal glances of anywhere else simply because if she catches you, that’s the end of that. Another thing, if you see a women with a well endowed bottom don’t ogle cause there could other people watching you.

5. Exchange business cards always: Always Always Always, as a thumb rule, exchange business cards. If you want me to explain why then you’re not fit to even consider attending a networking event.

Top 5 Songs a Guy should never be caught dead Singing or Dancing too

Before I start with the list let me tell you what influenced me writing this today. I was at a club over the weekend when I saw this really huge, buffed dude walking around looking for someone or something; don't know. Later on that night, as the alcohol started kicking in, I saw Mr. Universe on the dance floor. I'll admit it the guy could move for someone his size. Here's the kicker, the DJ announced that the next song is for all the Single ladies in the club. To my surprise I saw 'Mr. I can break your neck with my pinky' laying a couple chick moves to the club version of Beyonce's Single Ladies. "Wow can this be real?" "But how, why...Why would he do that?" "Is he Gay?"

Now that you know where the motivation and influence stems from, lets go to the list. BTW this is no particular order, so please don't assume that it would be okay to sing to song 5 on the list since its "Not that gay."

1. Gloria Gaynor - I will Survive: No No No No No... this song is not meant for guys to sing, dance or even hum too. You can't sway, you can't tap your foot to the beat, you can't tap your fingers, palms or anything else to that beat. If your already on the dance floor with your partner and the song plays, boo the DJ and walkout.

2. Chaka Khan - I'm every Women: Do I really need to explain why dancing or singing to this song is not cool?

3. Beyonce Knowles - Single Ladies: Again not cool if your the guy on the dance floor fist pumping when you hear "If you like go ahead and put a ring on it" like you've just won. No mate, if you do that, you've lost......your balls. BTW why did Beyonce sing a song called Single ladies when she's married. Ahhh never mind.

4. PCD - Don't Ya: We all know how sexy Nicole Scherzinger is and it is totally a guy thing to drool over Nicole. But Hip-thrusting while making a "I got screwed in the ass" face, singing "Don't cha wish you girlfriend was hot like me" is not cool even if you replace girlfriend to boyfriend. Infact it would just look more gay than before. So don't ya dare

5. Fergies - Big girls don't cry: Firstly, that tittle is a lie. Big girls do cry, infact they cry and whine more than small girls. "Oh! Im too fat.", "You know what Marsha, from admin, said to me today?", "We don't talk anymore", "When we were dating our relationship was more fun, now that we are married life is boring, I'm fat, your ugly and your Mum's cooking sucks. I hate my life" and all of this followed by tears. So you see Big girls do cry.. ALOT and about EVERYTHING. So guys please don't sing just because it an outright lie that has no quantifiable and scientific proof and besides it would be gay to sing it.

So there you have it. The top 5 songs guys should NEVER SING or DANCE or KEEP BEAT too. What do you think? Comments anyone?

5 Etiquette for a Smoker

Many of you will wonder what etiquette are there for smoking. Well there aren't any rules that were written in some etiquette book by some old English gentleman sitting and smoking his pipe. No, these are things that I have noticed and feel that smokers should consider when lighting up or while smoking. Here they are

1) Don't blow smoke in someone's face: No matter how much you want to feel like a Fire-breathing dragon; its just not cool! The feeling of suffocation is probably the worst feeling to many people and maybe that's why drowning is rated as the worst way to die. Blowing smoke into someone's face leads to suffocation and may lead people to hate you.

2) Ask permission: If you are in a group of people, whom you aren't too familiar with, ask permission before you light-up. This achieves 3 things.

a. You will come to know if there is someone suffering with any kind of respiratory
illness.

b. You will know if the group is okay with you smoking which want lead to hate stares, people coughing or the someone asking you to smoke away from them.

c. You could follow your request to smoke by offering the people in the group an opportunity to smoke along with you.

3) Don't reply "Thanks Mum, I didn't know that" when someone tells you that smoking is bad. They are just being concerned. A tip for the Non-smokers please don't tell a smoker that smoking is bad. Its like telling people that the earth is round.

4) Chew gum after your done with a smoke. Its kinda sick to have to smell smoke breath and will probably be hard to keep a conversation going.

5) When you're done with a smoke try to extinguish the cigarette butt properly in an ashtray. This applies mostly when sitting at a table. It get annoying to have the cigarette continue partially burning.

Now that I'm done with the post I'm heading out for a smoke. Care to join :-)

5 reasons why Michael Jackson will be remembered

Michael Jackson, Wacko Jacko, MJ, whatever the name the legend will always be remembered. Michael ruled the airwaves since the late 70's right up the early 90's. Post which he ruled the #1 spot on celebrity scandals through the mid 90's till the day he died.

But what made Michael Jackson so loved globally, what is it about MJ that makes people "yeah tell me more". Below are 5 reasons I could come up with that didn't let MJ fade into the abyss of retirement.

1) "Thriller", "Dangerous " and "BAD" the videos and songs that came out from these 3 albums were fresh and to a point revolutionizing for the time it came out . Not only was the music awesome, the dancing and the outfits were something no other artist could compare with.

2) Crotch grabbing dance step: Up until the time MJ popularized "Crotch grabbing" as a dance step, I'm sure it was considered an offensive gesture. Now I'm pretty sure you find women doing this too. Just goes to show the power of MJ :-)

3) Moon Walk: Holyshit how did he even come up with something like that. I mean as humans we've been making music for thousands of years. We even landed on the moon in the 60's but it took one man, on earth, to walk backwards, to popularize the "Moonwalk". WOW sorry Neil Armstrong.

4) Controversies: From Child molestation to bankruptcy to being an unfit parent dangling his child of a balcony all of this added to the MJ Legend.

5) "Final Curtain Call" the last performance: the 50 sold out concert that MJ had planned in London O2 arena. This is something that people wished they would have been able to see for a very very long.

Okay because this MJ we're talking about I'm going to break the rules a bit by adding a 6 point.

6) The integration of Michael's dressing, dancing and musical influence is still so prevalent in today's entrainment. Either directly, such as, listening to music over the radio, to watching your fav comedian imitating him or some talent contest show that has a MJ wannabe doing the moonwalk in a white glove in ankle high black trousers.

According to me these are 6 reasons why MJ will never be forgotten. Comment if you have more points to add.

5 "at a Urinal" Etiquettes

Okay, here’s the deal I was at a pub last night and after a couple of beers I needed to relieve myself. There are a couple of things that you as a guy should know to consider as Urinal Etiquette. Here they are.

1. Ask permission to use the urinal: Now obliviously you wouldn't to ask permission if there is a free urinal. However, if there is a queue and you really need to go bad don't muck in, ask the person in front of for permission to use the urinal before he does. It helps to hold your crotch and stick together when asking :-). Just don't make look like your trying to seduce him.
2. Don't spit or throw stuff in a urinal: I have seen some people spit guuueey green flem into urinals. I have also seen guys ash of their cigarette butts. This makes taking a piss real uncomfortable and if there is enough shit clogging the drain then there is a good chance that you will have a pool of piss with the cigarette butt Olympics going on.
3. Don't talk or sing to yourself or try making small talk with the guy next to you. No wants to hear you say " Come on Jack you can do it. Just relax" or Sweet Home Alabama when you’re going at it. Even worse "Hey man, I prefer wearing boxers to briefs. What about you?” Eeahh...
4. Don't peer into your neighbors (you know what). Last thing you want to be caught doing is looking over and checking out the guy next to you going at it. This will really piss him off (no pun indented). Unless you’re at a gay bar, then you would have probably made a new "Friend".
5. Flush the urinal: ensure that after you done you flush. Some urinals are automatic and will flush after you move; some flush in intervals and some need you to flush. So flush.

That’s what I think. As always would like to know what you think.